broken crayons still color.

This is about 2018 and what it was for all of us.

Wow y’all what a horrible, emotional, and challenging year. I know we all said this last year but this by far was the worst year of my life. More downs than ups, heart breaks, and I mean heartbreaks in all forms. From family, friends, significant others, y’all get it.. It was just failed relationships everywhere.

This leads me to the title of my blog “broken crayons still color”. Obviously you get what that means but let me take it a little more in depth.

2018 was hard and don’t believe it if you don’t want to but the start of 2019 isn’t gonna be much different. That’s where we fuck up. We think new year, new everything and unfortunately that isn’t the case. We still struggling, relationships still broken, still depressed. New year, same shit going on..

Now listen to this; you are the crayon, you are whats broken… but just because you might be broken and broken can be in any form-broke, depressed, no job, no motivation, heart broken, etc. It’s up to you to figure out how you are broken but keep in the back of your head that yes you may be broken but you are still capable of working! You can still change the situation you are in. Lets use these broken crayons to color a pretty picture. Remember tho the crayons are broken so this picture isn’t gonna be colored overnight, its gonna take some time. JUST BE PATIENT.

Lets do this whole new years resolution a lil different. By that I mean that we always plan to be different in the beginning of the new year..why tho? I guess because its a new year right? But who even taught us that? We all know nothing changes over night. Well let me not be negative Nancy because some things can in fact change overnight but I feel like majority of the time when shit changes overnight it isn’t anything to be looking forward to.

Use this year as a refresher on what we’ve been trying to work on all this time. Revisit those old failed new years resolutions and see what you can tap into and work on being great by the END of the year. Not the beginning. We tend to get discouraged when things don’t work out that we give up way too fast but we don’t realize that you can’t force change on things that just aren’t ready to be changed. Don’t try to come up with a whole new lifestyle just because its the start of a new year. You are setting yourself up for failure. Trust me, I know. I struggled with it for years.

Now when someone asks what my new years resolution is, I simply let them know I don’t really have one. I’m still working on trying to be the best version of me, still trying my best to accomplish goals I’ve had for years.

Long story short, I just want to be better than I was yesterday and do more than I did yesterday.

Let’s tackle 2019 a lil different than we have the years prior. Cheers to a new year and God Bless!

Love, t

Its okay to not be okay.

Its okay to be sad. Its okay to cry. 
Do you hear me, it is OKAY.

Its 1:05 in the morning and I was getting ready for bed as I had a 12 hr shift that day, bright and early. As always I pray before bed, usually what I am thankful for and just my overall gratitude for life. This night I added my blog to my prayer, as it is something very important to me. I asked for guidance. 

I thought to myself how I made a great first impression when I first launched my blog so I wanted to live up to the standard but for whatever reason my motivation was already lost. I am scheduled to publish a new blog on Sunday and here I am without a clue in the world on what I’ ll be typing about. My prayer then got deep. Like deep deep you guys. I felt a huge wave of sadness overcome my body and then came the waterworks. I thought I was upset about losing the motivation I once had for my blog but turns out it was that reason plus about 4 more.

So that’s what led me to my title, “Its okay to not be okay.” 

I’m so guilty of crying behind closed doors one second and the next second I’m wiping my tears and stepping out with a smile on my face like what just happened didn’t happen. But have you ever really thought to yourself why is it that you’re hiding how you’re feeling? Is it because you’re embarrassed about what you’re going through? Do you feel like no one will get where you’re coming from? Do you believe they’ll think you’re stupid for even being sad in the first place?

I’ve learnt that when we let things build up inside that’s when we become vulnerable. It’s okay to need help. Sometimes we just need someone to hear us, not even asking for advice, just someone to listen. Let me rant to you, let me talk about whats been on my mind. Or you’d be surprised at how comforting a hug can be. Don’t be scared to ask! A tight hug from your parent/grandparent, best friend or your significant other can really do wonders. It’s almost like instant relief.

“No matter how big or small it may be, stepping up to a challenge can be daunting, especially if you’re used to keeping quiet and playing it safe. Still, it’s best to recognize facing the challenge may be the best thing to do at the time”.

Addressing issues when they happen and who they happened with is the key to your happiness. For example lets say you got into a heated argument with someone you love, someone that has holds a special place in your heart and is your go to person in any situation. You guys argued and now you two are holding a grudge, something comes up and you need them. If you would have addressed the problem you had when it happened, the faster it would have been resolved and you two could have been fine again.

Another example of why letting things build up inside is bad- imagine having a car that needs it’s breaks changed. The more you use the car without replacing the breaks the more wear and tear you’re creating (the “wear and tear” in your real life is your heart). Eventually the breaks on your car are gonna give out and you’re gonna crash. So eventually there’s only so much your heart can take before your emotions get the best of you. That’s when you’ve hit what people call “rock bottom”.

Did you understand my example? No? Its okay I barely understood it myself, it sounded good in my head tho. Anyways what I’m trying to get at is to face things as they come, don’t push it to the side, obviously you’re not okay and the more things that continue to happen to you without being properly addressed the faster you will sink and reach your rock bottom. The more you use the car without breaks the more damage you’re creating.

“It is okay to not be okay, it is not okay to not do anything about it”. – T             (I just made that up, literally just now. Its 2:03 am)

Slowly but surely I am learning how to face things as soon as they happen, and for that I am thankful. I hope after reading this blog you’ll get the courage to address issues as they come, and if you run into a lil hiccup with someone you’ll resolve it then and there. Never be afraid to ask for help if need be. Speak to someone about what you’re going through. Stop crying out for help where no one can hear you! And hey if you don’t have someone to turn too let me be your someone. I can be all ears no talk or I can be your shoulder to cry on. Whatever the need may be, anyone can count on me.

Love, T


Butter Pecan, Puerto Rican

So let me get this straight, you really came back to read my blog? My lil ol blog?? Can we say thankful? Anyhoo, welcome back! So this blog is more of a get to know me. What is my purpose, why am I blogging, and why I targeted you specifically as my audience.

For those of you who don’t know, my name is Thatiana but that is not what the T stands for. The T can be the tea to you but for me its something that goes a little more in depth. Over the last year or so people began calling me “Tmoney”, or “Tmoneykodaks” because ya gurl loves a good flick. It kind of just stuck after that. So that’s the T part, now for the Thankful. The year of 2018 has taught me about gratitude. Sometimes we focus so much on what we don’t have that we forget to give thanks for what we do have, but not anymore! We are turning a new leaf and yes I said WE, you’re coming with me ya hurrrd?

I live in Pennsylvania but was born in Caguas, Puerto Rico back in 1997 so that makes me a 21 year old. Not your average 21 year old tho. I gave up the party, getting lit every weekend life a long time ago. Yup you guessed it, I’m a home body. But wait yall don’t get it twisted, T enjoys a good party, loud music, and great vibes accompanied by a couple tequila shots, but just not every weekend. I occupy my time usually with work, I have a few jobs that keep me pretty afloat and in my spare time I guess I can say you’ll find me here, blogging. 

 Why I have decided to start blogging.

I’ve talked about this for the past year but was always afraid to leap into action. They say the man that fails to plan, plans to fail BUT the more time you spend planning the less time you have to actually act. So that’s why I’m here, a year later with yet the same plan.

That was until about a week ago, ayeee week agoooooo oh sorry, lets fast forward. I was doing my typical tuesday 2am scroll of the timeline like I aint have to be up for work in like 4 hours and that’s where it hit me. The No Bullshit Blog Builder by Courtney B. An entire year of me bullshitting just for this moment, worthy information just sitting on my tl waiting for my click. I thought to myself this is my chance and like my girl Court said, no bullshitting! Fast forward some more, I completed the course and implemented all the information. I successfully stepped outta my bubble, put my fears to the side and hit published.

This blog belongs to me, but the content is for you. You are who I’m doing this for. I’m talking about those ladies and gents who have potential to reach the top all while doing it gracefully even though you’re most likely dragging a few weights along the way. The weights may make the journey a tad bit harder but with motivation and me in your corner pushing you on, those weights don’t stop a mf thing. Now lets discuss these “weights”. What are yours? Money issues? A fuck boy/girl? Depression? Leave me a comment! Lets tackle these weights together. Oh and always remember, if you cant drop the weight, lift that bitch up and get stronger.

Welcome to the official start of my blog.

Love, t

The blogger vs the reader.

Let me introduce myself, my name is Thatiana and I am the blogger. Yeah the T could stand for my name, but I prefer Thankful because I am blessed and you are too. As the blogger, I’ve decided to give you nothing but real. Think of it as the former MTV series True Life, except I give you, The Blog Edition.

My life, similar to a’lot of yalls, yes I said yalls. Before I continue let me reiterate, I’m giving you nothing but real, I want you to read my blog, yet hear my voice plus imagine my face. So I type the way I talk. Carrying on, my life, similar to a’lot of yalls isn’t always in order. I go through shit, I stress, I cry, I pray, and I wait. I wait for change, I wait for results, whether it be a random tweet or my horoscope, I wait for something that speaks to me and tells me its gonna be okay.  Sometimes I get that or sometimes I’m hit with something that knocks me down a couple more steps as if I wasn’t at the bottom of the staircase already. Here I am though, pushing through, pushing forward. Join me on my journey of trials and tribulations. 

You, the reader, here is your outlet. Let’s talk. I would like to give my readers the opportunity to openly or anonymously ask me ANYTHING and receive an open response right here on the blog! This is a no judgment GROWTH zone. Help me help you. Whether I have the answer in front of me or have to dive deep to find it.

For starters, you can expect a weekly blog from me, I like Sundays. Why? Because Self Care Sundays are lit you guys. So ladies or gents, we don’t discriminate, put on the face masks, grab your wine, relax and read in on my latest T.

Love, t